Life's a Game to You and Me
by alchemicmonkey
Summary: Yu-Gi-Oh! crackfic. starring the main characters! co-starring, the FMA characters! well, a few of them .THIS IS CRACK! flames welcome. oh, fyi, i use their english names becaue it's easier for me to remember. so katsuya is joey and anzu is tea, etc, etc..


It was a beautiful spring day in Domino City. The sun was shining brightly and birds were flying everywhere and a few ran into a few buildings because the sun was so bright. But no one cares about the weather: it could be raining mimes and Poké Balls for all you care. Anyways, on to the story.

So, it was annoyingly bright and other than that it was normal. Joey had challenged Yugi to a duel.

"_Yu-Gi-Oh!"_ Yugi screamed as he changed into Atem.

"I'll go first," Joey grinned. 'I play Fullmetal Edward in attack mode, and Armor Alphonse in defense mode."

"You're up to your old games again, Joey?" Yugi asked. "You know I can easily wipe out those two cards. "I play Winry the Mechanic in attack mode, and place two cards face down. Your turn."

"Fullmetal Edward, attack with Automail Blade!" Joey cried. Edward's hologram darted forward and slashed at Winry.

"Big mistake, Joey. I activate the trap card Height Complex. It enables Winry the Mechanic to call your pathetic Fullmetal 'short'. Go, Winry!" Yugi commanded.

"Oh my, it looks like you've actually shrunk since I last saw you," Winry jeered.

"I think you made the mistake, Yuge," Joey smirked. "Every time you call Edward 'short' his attack points increase by five hundred." Indeed as he spoke, Edward's hologram was starting to get angry. His fists clenched and he ground his teeth together. "I'll play one card face down and end my turn."

"I summon Alex Louis Armstrong in attack mode," Yugi said. "Attack with Alchemy Punch!" Armstrong's hologram dashed forward and struck at Edward's, but was deflected by Alphonse's.

"Nice job, you've activated my Magic Card Brotherly Love. Any time you attack one of them, the other automatically steps in to defend the other. I also bring Flame Alchemist to the field," Joey rambled, placing the card on his duel disc. A hologram of Roy shimmered into view.

"Winry, attack with Wrench Throw!" Yugi cried. Winry produced a wrench and threw it at Roy, who shattered. Joey's life points decreased.

"You're so short I missed you, Ed," Winry sneered.

"Go, Edward! Short Rant!" Joey ordered.

"Who're you calling so small they can't be seen with a telescope?!?!?" Edward raged, throwing a fit.

Much time passed. Téa and Tristan left to get ice cream cones from Dairy Queen, and then went to watch 2012 at the local movie theater. They had been through this duel before and swiftly learned how to occupy their time. On their way back, however, Tristan was picked up by a mysterious man in a blue jumpsuit and dragged to the International Janitor's Convention in San Diego, leaving Téa to fend for herself, as she was attacked by the Travelocity gnome. They left for Siberia and Téa became the king of Chapultapec.

"This last round should end this," Joey wheezed. They had been dueling for well over two hours now and both people had few cards in their deck. "I summon Envy and attack with Weapon Transform!"

"No, Hohenheim!" Yugi cried as his card was obliterated. Envy's hologram did an Irish victory jig. 'My last card!' Yugi thought.

"Whatsa matter, Yuge? Can't beat me today?" Joey grinned.

"I play Eternal Sailor Moon in attack mode. Attack with Starlight Honeymoon Therapy and wipe out Envy!" the short teenager-turned-ancient-pharaoh exclaimed.

"Hey, that ain't an FMA card!" Joey whined as Envy was destroyed and his life points went to zero.

"Sucker!" Yugi grinned, changing back into himself and sticking out his tongue.

Joey, utterly devastated by his loss, turned emo. He dyed his hair black and lime green, wore brightly colored skinny jeans and band shirts and listened to screamo music for the rest of his life. He eventually became the merch guy for a band the author doesn't care to give a name to, as this is a crack-fic and it doesn't matter. He married Mai, but she divorced him because he was so emo.

Yugi went on to marry Téa and became Queen of Switzerland. He lived a long life until he got run over by one of those plastic cars toddlers play with. He was hospitalized with severe injuries and later died because he was so upset that he didn't get to become a magical-vampire-smurf-bunny like he always wanted.

Kaiba showed up at his funeral and gave a heart wrenching eulogy, saying how sorry he was to have been such a douche-bag and he really admired Yugi for being a better duelist than him. At the end of his eulogy, he said 'Just kidding loser! Who's the best gamer now?!' and ran off, whooping at the top of his lungs. He then got run over by the same plastic kiddie car that hospitalized Yugi, only he didn't die. Instead, he got brain damage and spent the rest of his life thinking he was a prima ballerina. Mokuba disowned him and joined the Janitorial Forces of Earth with Tristan, who was the janitor for a pathetic little high school out in the boonies of California called Sonora Union High School. They got married and adopted chimpanzee babies to raise as their own.

* * *

"Hey Al? Do you ever feel like someone's playing us like life's a game?" Edward asked.

"What?" the seven foot suit of armor asked.

"Never mind," the blond alchemist shrugged and returned to watching 'I Love Lucy' reruns.


End file.
